Just an update....a colleague told me she'd had great success with hypnotherapy and medical conditions, including lupus. I waited 2 months for her to get back from a vacation. She's a BIG cahuna in the hypnosis field. And she proceeds to give me a different kind of therapy altogether. Completely different intervention. When I, a colleague, questioned her on this, she interpreted it as resistance! Now I can understand why the general public often has such negativity toward therapists. Bottom line, if you agree to a certain kind of therapy with your therapist, you're supposed to get it, people! Thus my exit from that path and new forage into the world of accupressure....
"The DA's Racket Squad"
Tonight, the Society of Brooklynites hosts a talk by Joseph DiBenedetto, Assistant District Attorney of the Rackets Division, on the ins and outs of racketeering. DiBenedetto's group is in charge of prosecuting some of the city's most made-for-TV criminal cases, including organized crime, gang violence, major fraud, arson, and corruption. If you're considering a career in law or are just addicted to The Wire, this event is for you.
7:30pm–9:30pm. Supreme Court Building, Court and Montague streets. (212) 542-3344. Free.
These pills are much more effective than the herbal pills. The active ingredients they contain are much stronger. Another great thing with these pills are that they have been thoroughly tested, so that you’ll always know what to expect if you take them.
Be aware though, you have no guarantee that they will make you lose weight. All diet pills need to be taken together with an appropriate weight loss diet as well as an exercise plan. Normally these diet pills are prescribed only to obese people, with a BMI of 27 or more. If you only need to lose a few pounds, they are not for you.
The easiest way to . You can either have them delivered at your door or pick them up at your local pharmacy. It’s a fast and simple process which more and more people prefer for their pharmacy purchases.
today i want to bring up one of my pet concepts. being revolutionary...in how we live. the definition of revolutionary that i'm referring to (so we're on the same page/screen here) is defined, in Merriam-Websters as: "c: constituting or bringing about a major or fundamental change".
yes, all the tools for better living that i may refer to, no matter how long they've been around, are and can be revolutionary.
it's in the doing.
are you living a revolutionary life? no, you don't have to protest, carrying pickets and saving the forests or other such activities. i'm referring to being revolutionary in the way you live....what you do. doesn't that word just conjur up strength, hope and empowerment! we want to revolt against the things in our life that can be holding us back. we want to say "no more! get out of my way, i want to live my life!"... and just saying that, by the way, can do a world of good for your soul.
when dealing (and i am dealing...believe me) with detoxing off meds, alcohol or other substances...living with bipolar, depression, fibromyalgia, chronic pain or withdrawal symptoms...finding our way to recovery can seem difficult if not hopeless and nearly impossible some days. the constant stress and tension caused by gnawing withdrawal or side effect symptoms...pain, tremors, brain fog, brain zaps, confusion, nausea, etc can make it hard for us to even think of, let alone do the things we need to do on a daily basis, to keep ourselves pointed in the right direction.
i know many of you have an extensive backgrounds in health and therapy issues either via life experience, profession or studies, and i don't have anything really new or cutting edge to add. but the old standbys that may have been part of our daily routine in the past which now seem hard to draw upon or even think about doing, can be revolutionary!
what many of us are going through may be in an effort to get back to our old selves...not gonna happen...we're working toward new selves. that's revolutionary! the hardships we've endured, probably for decades now, have changed us and we can draw upon what we've learned to be better, stronger new versions of ourselves. that stuff is a part of us, for better or worse. deciding how we're going to direct our life's experience...well it can be your greatest liability or your greatest asset. choosing the later is revolting against the "dark evil forces" that would hold you captive in a life you're trying to better. yes, you will never be your old self...can't be...but you can be you...just fortified with wisdom and experience and wonderful tools for living. you will be able to use your "experience strength and hope" to help others revolt!
maybe you are new to this realm of seeking wellness and wholeness. but i promise, even the simplest things, the oldies can still be revolutionary in applying them. revolt against what's holding you back and be revolutionary in applying the oldies but goodies...laughing, walking, lists, journaling, prayer and meditation, self-affirmation, yoga.
i think i'm fortunate in that i have my AA meetings that i attend and sponsees to work with. working with others, i hear what i'm saying and it reminds me..."oh, laughter....prayer and meditation...making a list and doing small, routine things that validate me, etc." yes, i'm fortunate to have those constant reminders come at me often. but some days even i'm too low to hear what i'm saying or take my own advice. but hey, this is life and death stuff we're working with, and even really small, simple things can matter when it comes to hanging in there one more day...today. it's nice to know that today or even just this moment is all i really need to deal with.
this is an important tool to use:
did you know you can start your day over at any moment...basically hit reset in your brain and go? really, it's not exotic or cutting edge or new, but i will say, it is revolutionary in the doing. probably in the past if a day started veering off in a bad direction we followed it to it's end...which no doubt was not so good....insomnia, fighting with spouses, yelling at the children, drinking or taking extra meds to relax, another day lost to emotions. did we know that the moment we saw our day going awry...that at that moment there was really a fork in the road and we have always had the choice of which way we were going to go? being aware and periodically taking moments to scan your mind for where you're at, at this moment, is an important and invaluable tool. we can't be carried off by our emotions and symptoms, and oh...it's easy, comfortable and familiar, but they only want to lead us to a not so good place. no, stop for a moment and revolt! breath and assess what's going on. "do i need to step back and make an apology? do i need to get up and do something...call someone? turn off the tv and listen to some relaxing music...do i need to eat something healthy. should i get out of this house and walk or do some stretching and yoga"...what ever...just set outside on the front porch with your dogs and take in the day...but take some action even if it is very small. a day gone awry is not a good wave to ride! there is a dangerous cliff at the end of this path!
yes, revolt and begin to take back your life!
so, from time to time, stop...evaluate...revolt! even on a day that may require you to be home bound, you can be creative and find what it is you need to do to love yourself and stay on that positive path leading to the new you.
now for the entainment portion of this blog:
the string to embed this video wouldn't work so i thought i'd just post this link. if you are a dog or animal lover...this will make you laugh! if you just need to stop and laugh...try this one out! since i wrote about laughing and how much it helps our mental and physical health i wanted to share this. having dogs myself i see them make up some pretty funny games to play with themselves...albeit not as creative as this dog!be a revolutionary in your own life today....peace out and hang in there!
It's April and time for a change of season, sadly. For us in the southern hemisphere it means we're moving swiftly into autumn, with the leaves outside my house becoming yellow and fluttering to the ground, and the hint of chill in the air at night and early morning. After a weekend away, it's a bit hard to sit down and write!
And what a weekend it was - I had an absolutely wonderful time at PainLang in Brisbane. A four-hour forum of discussion and dialogue between a couple of really wonderful people including Professor Harold Merskey, originator of the now internationally-adopted definition of 'pain', Professor Jenny Strong from Queensland University, Professor Roland Sussex also from Queensland University, and a range of other researchers and clinicians who all were able to contribute to a wide-ranging discussion about the language of pain.
For me, a highlight had to be hearing Professor Merksey talking about how the definition of pain was first adopted, and his ongoing work in the medicolegal field of defining pain and disability, and establishing that there is a widespread but probably false impression that musculoskeletal pain such as whiplash is short-lived. Some of his research and particularly his re-analysis of several studies, demonstrated that due to inadequate outcome measures and methodological limitations, there is an impression that all but a small percentage of people completely recover within three months - but in fact, somewhat closer to the truth is that around 10% of people take longer than 12 months to completely recover. What confounds the assessment of outcome is lack of a consistent measure, and indeed it's common for measures of:
pain intensity
disability
return to work
case closure based on 'end of rehabilitation'
cessation of compensation
all to be used at different times to establish an 'outcome' that is then used to determine how long it takes to recover from a musculoskeletal injury. This creates problems when respected organisations quote figures drawn from studies without rigorous methodology and use the results from these studies to dictate policy such as duration figures for rehabilitation, types of treatments funded, or to establish whether compensation will be continued.
Another person that I listened to and think of as a kindred spirit is Professor Roland Sussex. He is a linguistics professor and he and Professor Jenny Strong are working together to review the very commonly-used and well-known McGill Pain Questionnaire. This is the instrument that provides a list of words, and asked the person with pain to identify the words that apply to him/her. It was developed in the mid-1970's, and reflects both the language and the concepts of pain from that time and the culture of North American middle-class white professionals. Why do I think of Prof Sussex as a kindred spirit? Well, he's a magpie for bits and pieces of information which he gleefully collects and notes down, and pulls out in conversation which is erudite, ranges over an enormous range of topics, and is entertaining and thoughtful. While I can't profess to achieve the level of knowledge of Prof Sussex, I too have that tendency to collect and pick over a range of tidbits of information that seems to scatter around me - and lo! and behold, it comes out on this blog!!
So, what did he have to say? Well, the poor McGill, which is an instrument I have never found useful and have rarely used, has some linguistic features that make it a product of its time, and one which needs some thoughtful consideration before deciding to use. There are several words in the instrument that are rarely found in the conversations of the people I see in my clinical practice: lacinating (which according to a number of on-line dictionaries means characterized by a sensation of cutting, piercing, or stabbing), torturing, gruelling, searing - to name a few. The instrument also categorises these words, but the categories are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and although each category apparently ranges from less severe to very severe, this isn't particularly clear.
Some other concerns I've had with the McGill also came up - the cultural bias of an instrument developed in the US for english speakers means that people from other cultures are disadvantaged by it. We simply don't know whether it's possible for someone who doesn't speak english as a first language would think of these words when describing their pain. There are some words that are very specific to pain (eg lancinating), while there are other words that are used far more generally for many other things (eg hot, cold, burning), and this makes it especially difficult for people from other cultures to translate.
I'm not sure whether the McGill was ever meant to be a substitute for simply talking about pain, but I've seen it used for a wide range of things in the pain literature - from 'diagnosing' pain sub-types (eg neuropathic pain), to measuring outcomes of treatment, to simply being part of a battery of tests to 'understand' someone's pain. There are always concerns when we try to understand another's pain - we can never know the qualia of another's pain (just as we can never know whether we each see the same 'blue', although we use the word about the same/similar wavelength of light). Constraining someone to a tool like the McGill doesn't seem especially helpful for me clinically, so I've preferred to talk and come to some sense of understanding, albeit filtered through my own language filters, and through the filters of the person I'm talking with.
Any assessment we use will be subject to certain other 'cultural' aspects of communication. This is because in order to understand another's pain, we rely on communication, and communication is social and cultural. Communication involves at least two people, some shared communication conventions (folkways or mores), it relies on the ability of each participant to have a message to communicate, a method to encode it, transmit it, for that message to be received, decoded and comprehended. Lots of opportunity for error to creep in!
Think about some of the features that are present in any conversation about pain:
the person with pain needs to decide whether their pain is something they wish to communicate about
once they decided to communicate about it, they consider/process the aspect they wish to project - and we are quite selective about what we communicate. For example, do we want to demonstrate stoicism? martyrdom? bravery? anxiety?
the actual process of determing what to communicate is filtered through often subconscious processes - how many of us from a Judeo-Christian background really think about the way our Judeo-Christian heritage conceptualises pain? Of heroes, and saints suffering, and pain as punishment, and retribution and how it was visited on Job to 'test' him, and removed only with God's will?
And what about our own family's view on pain? Are we from a family where pain is discussed? or one where we were told to 'put up or shut up'? Was one parent very vocal about pain, and what impact does that have on us? Like the child of an alcoholic, who may 'blame' the parent for either abstinence or alcoholism, we too may be reacting to situations in our early life...
And culturally, we may be from a culture where certain pains are NEVER discussed (vulvodynia, painful periods), or we may be of an age or in a state such as pregnancy where every horror story of childbirth is discussed in intimate detail.
Our gender makes an impact on what we will discuss, with whom and in what detail...
Our power in a relationship as interrogator, subject or equal makes an impact on what is asked, by whom and when - and what is answered, by whom and when
and finally, once a decision is made to communicate about pain, it is moderated by the response of the other person in that conversation to either increase the frequency of 'pain talk' or decrease it.
I've talked before about the words that we use when talking about pain - the importance, to me at least, of the 'social' in 'psychosocial' assessment, for fear that the interaction between the person and his or her environment (both social and nonhuman environment) will become lost. I've also talked about the language of 'injury' being used in some circumstances, but not in others (the head'ache' is different from the back 'injury'???).
So, a fruitful weekend, one that I will recall very fondly indeed - a toast to Jenny and colleagues for organising such a rich and enjoyable feast for me and the others who attended!
by now you may know my story....i'm down to apx. .62 of klonopin, (i am on 300mg of lyrica) and am managing my bipolar, alcoholism, fibromyalgia, pain and withdrawal symptoms best as i can. it's difficult, and work, but i have my secret weapon!
ok this may not seem medically sound (but it is, very). i'm not promoting or selling anything here. you don't need any special prescription or expensive supplements. there is not diet to follow and you needn't exert yourself in moving from your sofa or bed! it's free! i've mentioned it before but.....it's....laughing!
now, if you've been in a lot of physical discomfort and flattened or tied in knots for weeks you must just want to say "yeah, right"...and i totally get that. but, when we are in pain, our minds clouded and confused and tired beyond description not to mention hosting a grab bag of symptoms, our mind just can't possibly go towards smiling let alone laughing. or can it? there is nothing funny about detox...or can there be? i've written about my symptoms and believe me...i've definitely been way laid by a slew of withdrawal side effects, depression, bipolar, and fibromyalgia too. i've curled up on my sofa, not answering the phone and not even able to focus on what was on tv. i've been as angry as a cat with a clothespin on its tail. no...i was in no mood to laugh.
well, in-spite of that statement, most days i did manage to pull out at least a smile or happy word or slight laugh thanks to AA, my friends, and my dogs. many days i look at my dogs and think....they didn't ask for me to be sitting here so distraught that all i do is let them out, feed them and then stress them out by crying or being in pain. yes it does upset my dogs (and my friends) when i'm in pain. if not for me, for their sake, i have to muster some moments of happiness, some how, because they need me to! and, i need it too.
the times when i can laugh, even if i'm being sarcastic about how i'm feeling or my situation...heck my friends need to hear me lighten up because they're used to someone who, most of the time, behaves as if she hasn't a care in the world (far from it)...i need that too. it's not a facade...that's how i am...a bit of a pollyanna. i know, go and gag. but the weight of the world, even with out detox, could be unbearable if i didn't have this little....something, i don't know what...just this little thing that drives me to laugh, i would have given in to despair years ago. laughter has brought me through so many situations....i'd be lost with out having it in my life. and i just plain love the high! and it's a high that won't make me have to pick up another 24 hour chip!
these days the world is so heavy with gas prices, inflation, elections, horrible shootings, war...god i'm going to stop because i could fill a page or ten and i know you all could add another ten to mine. these are some challenging days that, unfortunately, are here to stay for a good (or not so good) while!
so, we have some decisions to make, and this is a decision...
i always refer to victor frankl and his writings about his time in concentration camp. when i think about him, i have to kick myself in the butt and say "even this, that i'm going through, is not worth giving in to total despair". now the world, detox and victor frankl are nothing to laugh about.
but can they inspire one to try to raise up and try to laugh? hell yes!
laughter is free and laughter is contagious. it does no harm but in fact does a world of good and has many health benefits. it increases our heart rate and exercises our lungs. it engages certain muscles and best of all, releases those happy hormones that can give the best and healthiest high! not to mention, fight pain!
so why do we shy away from something that has no bad side effects and promotes good physical and mental health and makes us feel so darn good? i don't know...i believe we all want to feel good. isn't that why we are detoxing off meds, getting sober, and perhaps taking some meds? isn't that why some of us drank...to feel better? no, being free of meds and sober wouldn't be of much value if it just left us feeling horrible. that defeats the point of it all, right?
yes, i love laughing and i try to make others laugh when i'm working with them to deal with their life's issues. laughter may not make a problem go away, but it takes some of the power of that problem away...it can kind of give us a sense of being in control...
you don't believe me....read this excerpt and then check out some of the links:
from the MAYO CLINIC:
"The benefits of a belly laugh
Laughter's benefits on your health are no joke. A sense of humor can't cure all ailments, but data are mounting about the things that laughter can do.
Short-term benefits
A good laugh has great short-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body, beginning with your face. Laughter can:
Stimulate your organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
Activate your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response and increases your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
Soothe tension and tummy aches. Laughter can also ease digestion and stimulate circulation, which helps reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.
Long-term effects
Laughter isn't only good for a quick pick-me-up, though. It's also good for you over the long haul. Laughter may:
Improve your immune system.Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can impact your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. In contrast, positive thoughts actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more serious illnesses. In fact, in one study, people with cancer who watched a humorous video showed less stress and an increase in a particular cell activity that's beneficial in fighting diseases such as HIV and cancer.
Relieve pain. Research increasingly shows that laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.
Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make difficult situations a little bit easier. One study of nurses who work in emergency rooms found that nurses who use humor in dealing with their patients and co-workers experience greater job satisfaction and feelings of personal accomplishment than do those who remain dour during their shifts."
again, that is from the mayo clinic, and check out their site for more information "how to learn to laugh".
now try some of these or google phrases like "laughter is the best medicine", the benefits of laughter" etc. you won't believe what you'll find. maybe you find that long lost smile and dash that sense of hopelessness. what do you have to loose? feeling miserable? ditch it and find something silly!:
from the MDA site:
a silly list of funny dittys:
laughter is the best medicine:
these were some good points on laughter:
here's my search page on laughter:
make a decision, a commitment today, to do this one good thing for yourself and those who love you...even if you think the only one who loves you right now is your cat...your cat needs you to laugh.
My options are running out. My lovely GP keeps offering me morphine and I keep turning her down, but it's starting to get ridiculous. I don't know how much longer I can realistically cope with pain like this, let alone the mind-numbing lack of mobility.
Obviously the upcoming injection is something to keep hopeful about - but the prospect of 2 more months in agony is less exciting.
So, I figured it was about time I came back on here to be all self-centered and whatnot.
I...really have no other way of jumping into this, but since I'm the only person who ever reads what I write (for reflective purposes....man, am I mean on my period XD), it doesn't really matter.
After chatting with my mother (and John, who is absolutely more tolerable and understanding and considerably less selfish), cyber school is a definite maybe. My mother can't understand why I come home from school the way I do, when she herself was a little anxious in high school.
Yes. Her. The former cheerleader who got pregnant at age sixteen. A real agoraphobe, that one.
I really despise how she makes everything about herself. I have and live with crippling anxiety and she goes on about her woeful teenage years like it was actually hard for her to make friends, fit in, and function like a basic human being. She was a) outgoing and b) a fucking model for Christ's sake. I know she actually misses being in high school, because back in the day, she was a fucking princess and everybody knows it. It disgusts me that she tries to apply what I have to her life. No.
Anyway, I tried the Xanax, and I hated it completely. It settled me down all right, but then I ended up wobbling around the house, completely numb and lost like a zombie. I couldn't feel anything, and although I was completely fine with it at the time, it now just freaks me out. I couldn't focus and I felt half dead. I fell asleep in my mother's room and John later tried to wake me up five times, but I kept falling back asleep instantly.
I'm afraid that if I keep taking this medication that I'll actually start to like being a zombie. I'm afraid that if I don't, I won't be able to maintain my life as well as I have up until this point.
It's pathetic. Totally pathetic.
Anyway, cyber school. John's main concern (and mine, I must say) is that I'll have trouble with college admissions because of my decision to participate in a online school program my senior year. It's sad that I can't even say that my friends are my main concern. I know that if I do homeschooling, I'll definitely lose pretty much all of my friends. All except for those patient enough to keep in touch with me over the years (Chelsey, and Sarah, partially). Hearing about them skipping along being all social and whatnot without me will probably destroy me a little bit, but being near them is doing the exact same thing.
I can't be a good friend and pretend that I don't totally dread the thought of being near them at the same time. I can't exactly explain to them the emotions that my confuzzled mind creates without offending them. I, myself, don't even understand how I could totally adore them and fear being around them at the same time. Besides being relatively quiet and saying stupid things when I do talk, I'm pretty decent at controlling myself around them.
Cyber school is like this amazing freedom to me. I feel like I'm carrying 100 times my own weight because of school, but cyber school seems like the solution to a good-sized chunk of that weight. I'll still have to deal with the other every day things that freak me out beyond rational reason, but not school for the time being. It sounds so fabulous and good to be true that I just...ugh, I can't even explain it.
If not, I'll have to take Xanax like candy in order to function normally for the remainder of my high school existence. I'd rather chew my leg off than become dependent on medication. That's not how I roll, dawg. :P
